SKools over Officially
Saturday, October 30, 2004
Okay its me again. Time to blow off TONS of STEAM that is stored up in me as USual. MOOd swings are getting into my head again, ghosts of the past return to haunt me, theres project work oral presentation coming, CHinese Ao level.........holiday homework...........................................................WOW! life is " SO GOOD" YEAH >>> Pukes blood
Alrite today marks the end of jc1 officially. IN my mind, i'm happy why? cOs i just had about enough struggling to stay afloat in this schoool or for that matter my class. SInce MAy, life has been a struggle........literally and metaphorically........okay not in the financial sense........my basic needs are met. Yet i am a beggar in some aspects of life that teenagers CRAvE for.........eg. having a wide social circle and being able to interact with pple normally. PEople want to be accepted , POpularity is the so called ultimate aim to many teens who blindly chase this goal.
I spoke to BRO paul on wednesday or rather i had to as i missed the JC1 retreat and he demanded that i see him to give an explaination. It was a long talk as i whined about my life, the problems i faced eg. i am losing faith in god, hardly go to church, dun wanna believe that god can make things happen...........basically all the SHIT>>>>>> i then finally told him that i was struggling just to get by in school with thoughts of withdrawing from school especially after i learned about "class politics" in late april.......THAT incident changed my life, it almost destroyed me...........i was paralysed.......i could feel the outgoing side of me VAPORIES, withdrawing and sobing self wallow
This continued for like 5 MONTHS though i tried everything to run away from this problem, turning to old friends, burning myself out, still the thing is i thought i was not in the wrong. I tell u, if u are me and found out what happened, i'll sae u must be super holy if u don't become %*( pissed off..
SO dun accuse me of BEING so KPO, and thickskin .......COS U HAVENT GONE THROUGH WHAT I WHEN THROUGH
Bro paul opened my eyes , he said that i was merely avoiding the source of the problem. He said I MUST CHANGE MYSELF, ADMIT IT WAS PARTIALLY MY FAULT, i have too much PRIDE. THose words stunned me, how many times were u in a situation and when things when bad, u tend to blame others anione but yourself. He told me to take one step at a time, to break the ice that had formed between me and those people.
He said that going to another school or Poly which i am seriously considering is only running away from the problem. BUT i seriously dun wanna care, i just want all this shit to disappear, yet i noe that this problem might surface again in another place. iT IS INEVITABLE. What the heck, i want to think that going to poly will make my life better, but there is always the possibility that things might end up like this. SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well in any case, i guess i have to believe that i can make things improve by taking one step at a time, whether i go to poly or not.........i have to seriously think it over...........this will inadvertently change my life again........entering another phase, the unknown.
Heres i song that i like
I miss you miss you)Hello there the angel from my nightmareThe shadow in backround of the morgueThe unsespecting victim of darkness in the valleyWe can live like Jack and Sally if we wantWhere you can always find meAnd we'll have Halloween on ChristmasAnd in the night we'll wish this never ends We'll wish this never endWhere are you and I'm so sorryI cannot sleep I cannot dream tonightI need somebody and alwaysThis sick strange darkness comes creeping on so haunting everytimeAnd as I stared I counted the webs from all the spiderscatching things and eating their insidesLike indecision to call youAnd hear your voice of treasonWill you come home and stop this pain tonightstop this pain tonightDon't waste your time on me your already the voice inside my head(6x)I miss you miss you(6x)
Blink 182
Nitez peepz cya later
1:04:00 AM
